"4"

It's Father's Day 2012, and I'm in my apartment which overlooks the complex's swimming pool. It was recently resurfaced and had just reopened this weekend, and it is now crowded with neighbors enjoying the cool water on a hot day. Being that it is Father's Day, the sight of the pool made me think back to when I was just a child.

Mom and Dad had taken us kids to a pool party. I remember Jenny and I hadn't learned to swim yet; so while the older kids and adults swam we stayed in the shallow end. Dad was sitting poolside, watching the fun.

Jenny and I grabbed hold of the side of the pool and would shuffle along the wall until we could feel with our feet that the water got too deep for us to stand - but we had our hand hold for safety. When it got too deep for our toes to feel the bottom, Jenny stopped and said, "that's far enough. It's too deep." Dismissing the danger I decided to go around her and shuffle along a little further.

After successfully maneuvering around my older sister, I continued a couple more feet, holding onto the wall with my hands, my wet hands. And in an instant my little digits lost their grip, and I slipped straight down into the watery depths.

As I sank I looked up toward the light of the surface and saw the bubbles and churning water, and I knew that I was in trouble. Then, I remember vividly, seeing a large hand break the surface, reach down toward me and grab a handful of my hair (I had a LOT of hair as a little boy) and pluck me out of the water and onto the safety of the side. Dad had seen the whole thing and sprung to action in my moment of desperation and saved me from drowning.

.......

The night my father passed away back in 1995 I remember my best friend, Mike Bradley, driving me up to the hospital in Show Low/Lakeside, AZ - a three hour drive. I had received the call from his mom telling me my dad had been in a car accident and was in the hospital, and that it didn't look good.

I didn't know exactly what to do, being away at college at the time, but I felt such a strong urge to get to him and to be with him to encourage him to pull through it or to comfort him and be at his side in his final moments. I was upset and not in the best state of mind, so Mike's mom wisely insisted that he drive me to Show Low immediately. To this day I am grateful for her wisdom during that situation and for Mike's friendship and sacrifice those days.

It was a quiet journey. I was deep in thought and staring out the passenger window into the starlit night sky as we traversed the San Carlos Apache Indian Reservation. It was shortly after 10PM, and - as I looked to the north over the Gila mountains toward Show Low - I suddenly felt a rush come over me, familiar as my father's love, and resound in me a message... "goodbye".

When we arrived late that night, my Aunt Jill and my Uncle Will were there waiting for us. Aunt Jill confirmed that he had passed away shortly after 10PM. I nearly collapsed in grief, if it wasn't for the support of dear Aunt Jill and Uncle Will. What I did realize later on was that the feeling I had felt earlier that same night was my father saying goodbye. Since I couldn't make it to him in time, his spirit went to me.

Dad was born on 4/4/44, and I always found it funny how he seemed obsessed with the number 4. Our phone numbers always had 4's in them. In fact, I know that when we moved to Snowflake, AZ he specifically requested that the phone company give us a number with lots of 4's when we set up phone service. The result: a "4441" suffix. Prior to that - "4774" and "4412". Hahaha! I remember that in 2004, on what would have been his 60th birthday, my brothers and sister gathered and offered a toast of Diet Coke (his favorite beverage) at 4:44 in the afternoon to honor his memory, his love and his legacy. I love and miss him.

...

When I started this blog shortly after moving to Austin, I mentioned a little about the difficulties I had been having: physically, psychologically/mentally, spiritually, and financially. At the time that I was laid off from my job, I was already dealing with thyroid issues which caused multiple system imbalances, higher stress, poor sleep, and depression. Grouped with yet another failed relationship, which profoundly weighed heavily on me and even contributed to the frustrations that came with it, these all presented a perfect storm for a collapse. Life had knocked me to the depths, and I felt I was slowly drowning.

The months of unemployment piled up along with my frustration. I was losing my savings, my house, my credit, along with my faith and my patience. Most of my days were spent online, searching for jobs, filling out applications, writing cover letters and polishing resumes.

To try and clear my mind I'd still go to a local small gym, whose staff was very kind and offered me a special unemployed rate. The exercise seemed to help a little.

One day while on the elliptical at the gym I had a powerful experience that nearly knocked me off the machine. While working out I glanced down at the exercise time on the machine. It read 44:44. I then looked at the clock on the wall, which read 4:44. I thought to myself, "that's odd", and then a sudden rush of recent memories flashed to mind; memories of how - over the prior few months - I had seen sequences of 4's everywhere... and often: the clock on my computer screen, when I'd check the time on my cell phone, even recent bill totals, balances and receipts. Then suddenly in that instant a huge wave enveloped me (similar to what I felt the night dad died), and in that moment I again felt dad's presence and love again. It was very comforting and encouraging - like an embrace. I was completely awestruck, and I headed for the gym exit in wonder and feeling my eyes start to water up. When I got in the car joyful tears spilled out. I was practically laughing and couldn't stop smiling. As crazy as it might sound, dad had found a way to communicate with me and just let me know he was near and offering his encouragement. I cannot express how comforting this knowledge was. And these "signs" of the number 4 continued for months thereafter, but then they tapered off sometime in mid to late 2010, after I moved to Austin and started to get back on my feet.

I'm feeling better than before as I continue to try and put life's pieces together, find balance and answers and a foothold to start moving forward once again. It is proving to be a long, difficult road. Some of it does not come easily, and patience has been a hard thing to learn, but I'm trying.

 I don't know exactly how angels operate, but it seemed that during that very difficult time of my life, my Heavenly Father had answered my prayers for help and sent an angel to my rescue. It just so happened that that particular angel had also been my earthly father, who once again was plucking me up from the depths.

Now and then I will come across a sequence of 4's and every time it causes me to pause and remember. Sometimes, when I see these 4's, I find myself whispering, "hey dad" and smile. This all may sound strange to some, as sometimes it may when anyone speaks of "signs" or their own spiritual experiences - but spiritual experiences are personal matters and affect people differently. All I know is that these faith-boosting experiences reinforce my witness that there is a God in Heaven and that He is aware of us and loves us, and that in our moments of need, when we're in over our heads, He finds ways to help as we seek His assistance. I am forever thankful to Him for His help during that most difficult time.

Happy Father's Day, Dad! We love and miss you every day.

The Road is McCalling

Work has slated a new round of travels for me. We have updated our GPS equipment, so now, duty calls once again for me to make the rounds to the far reaches of the Lone Star State to train the local crews on how to use the new hardware and software. When I heard that this was in the works I was excited, because I enjoy getting out of the office and seeing new places and rubbing elbows with my colleagues in the regional offices (especially when it's on the company's dime). So, I actually often save money when I travel like this.

So to kick off this travelling show, I'm including a trio of trucking songs from C.W. McCall, a storytelling musician from the 70's. My dad introduced us kids to these songs, and I always found them entertaining.

1st Up: "CJ5 and a 4 Wheel Drive"
Probably my favorite number of his as a child. It's got everything: fast cars, a furious chase, "mud & crud", and ample banjo.




I just love these lyrics:
"We gonna swim this here crick now smokey...
Yard wide an' a foot deep...
Nishnabotna river they call it..."


"Might have to winch ya out... "


"don't hit that fella with the banjo"


"I dropped on down to granny low..." lol

and you know it takes a talented lyricist to throw auto mechanic terms into his songs...
"Got a mill with a four pot carb, ya know,
But smokey's stroked and bored..."
Awesome, simply awesome.

"Classified"
("the dog's name is 'Frank'...")
This is now probably my favorite of his. It's entertaining and fast moving. Anyone who has owned a "fixer upper" vehicle can relate to this.



"He says 'her shaft is bent and the rear end leaks
You can fix 'er quick with an oily rag
Use a nail to start her, I lost the key
Don't pay no mind to that whirin' sound
She'll use a little oil,
...but outside of that she's cherry" 
Used car salesmen. What can ya do?

"well Frank jumped in and bit my leg, and I beat him off with a crowbar..." classic


"Wolf Creek Pass"
At the time of this posting there wasn't a perfect video of this stretch of road made even more famous by by C.W. McCall. I do love the dashboard cam in this video though, giving the viewer a glimpse of the downhill drive toward Pagosa Springs, CO. The problem is, you can't make the entire run of Wolf Creek Pass from its summit down into Pagosa Springs in the 4 minutes it takes to play the song. So this video plays the song twice - two different recordings though, but it's still not enough time.

One day maybe someone will post a video where they speed up the trip to fit to the length of the song, which I believe would help add to the out of control downhill speed the song describes. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy it anyway. If you have time, go to YouTube and check out the other versions.



I dunno if lyrics get any better than:
"well, we shot that tunnel at a hundred an' ten,
like gas through a funnel and eggs through a hen..."
I think Eminem on his best day would be jealous.

...

So now, let the travels begin. I'll probably post some pics from some of the different areas. Just a warning.

Timshel

It has been argued that the Hebrew word "Timshel" is the most powerful word in the Holy Scriptures. The word translates to mean "thou mayest" - and some theologians also translate it as "thou shalt". It's what elevates and empowers mankind with the unmeasurable gift of free will.

In the Garden of Eden, God told Adam not to eat the fruit of the tree, "nevertheless, thou mayest choose for thyself, for it is given unto thee..." (Moses 3:17)

In the King James version of the Holy Bible, in the Book of Genesis, before Cain slew Abel, God told Cain that Satan desired to have him, but that "if thou doest well... thou shalt rule over [Satan]." Some other versions translate this passage as "thou mayest rule over him." (Genesis 4:7)

John Steinbeck also goes into more detail describing analysis of the word in his epic novel, East of Eden.

We can often choose what we want to do and what we want to be, but we often don't get to choose what trials or afflictions life throws our way; but we exercise our free will in how we choose to deal with them. We are human, however, and sometimes weakness of the mind, the body, or the spirit keeps us from being able to reach those aspirations or to overcome difficulties; and for this reason we need help from each other and from above.

What actually introduced me to this word is a beautiful song written by Mumford & Sons. In their song, "Timshel", the message of hope and comfort that the word carries is intended to be transmitted to the one who struggles. And that, with the help of loved ones and with the good Lord's help, we may/shall overcome.

The final stanza emphasizes that those loved ones would do everything they can to help, but ultimately it's the actual person who must overcome - or "move the mountains", so to speak. And so it is in life: help stands nearby, ready to hold our hand and support us, but ultimately each of us must use our free will and navigate our own way through it.

Despite the linguistic and theological debate as to the proper translation of the word, Timshel, I would like to focus more on the messages both translations carry and dedicate them and this song to a loved one very dear to me who struggles with depression and anxiety. As one who occasionally deals with the same, I know it is an incredibly difficult and debilitating road to travel. When in the throws of it, you feel completely alone, weak, and horrifically vulnerable. It is an unenviable yoke to bear. I hope that the message of this song brings the comfort of knowing that I stand by her, that countless others stand by her, and that we love her very much.

I particularly like the repetition of the most important line: "You are not alone in this". I pray it gives hope and encouragement to her, should she read this, as well as to any listener or reader who goes to battle every day against something that often feels insurmountable.

Thou mayest
Thou shalt




Cold is the water
It freezes your already cold mind
Already cold, cold mind
And death is at your doorstep
And it will steal your innocence
But it will not steal your substance

But you are not alone in this
And you are not alone in this
As brothers we will stand and we'll hold your hand
Hold your hand

And you are the mother
The mother of your baby child
The one to whom you gave life
And you have your choices
And these are what make man great
His ladder to the stars

But you are not alone in this
YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS
As brothers we will stand and we'll hold your hand
Hold your hand

But I will tell the night
And Whisper, "Lose your sight"
But I can't move the mountains for you

Arizona Soundtrack

As weird as it may seem, it is very hard for me to NOT be in Arizona at the time of the 48th state's Centennial on February 14th, 2012. The Grand Canyon State has also been where my heart is. It is home. Having spent most of my life there, made so many great friends, and with my family's roots dating back for generations there, it is a special place.

I am trying to make a life in Texas now, but I admit that I do look over my shoulder to the West to keep up on what's going on in the Phoenix area and throughout the state. I would like to end up there again at some point too. But for now, the city of Austin and Texas in general is being very kind and has been instrumental in helping me get back on my feet. I'd still like to be in Arizona to blow out the 100 candles on the 14th though; at least I'll be able to visit later during the Centennial year.

So to commemorate this event I present a few songs that refer to Arizona in some way. I'm sure there are more than the ones I list below, so please feel free to COMMENT and let me know the ones I missed.

By the Time I Get to Phoenix - Glenn Campbell
Probably the most popular song mentioning Phoenix. But don't ask me that, because I'm not too familiar with it - and that's most likely the case with any Gen X'er or Gen after, but I guess it was a show stopper at some point.



There is No Arizona - Jamie O'Neal
"There is no Arizona/No painted desert, no Sedona/If there was a Grand Canyon/She could fill it up with the lies he's told her."



Is Anybody Going to San Antone (or Phoenix, Arizona)? - Charlie Pride
This song reminds me of my young childhood. Charley Pride was a regular in my Dad's country music rotation. This particular video made me chuckle a bit.




Route 66 - Bobby Troup
"Flagstaff, AZ, don't forget Winona, Kingman..." It just so happens that Arizona hosts the longest remaining section of historic Route 66. (The attached video is a cover of Bobby Troup's song)



Ocean Front Property in Arizona - George Strait



Take it Easy - The Eagles
"Standin' on a corner in Winslow, Arizona/Such a fine sight to see."   ...it's not



Back When the Old Stuff Was New - Garth Brooks
"when the weather turned bad in Scottsdale/A tornado nearly stole the show/We just danced in the rain and listened to the Thunder Roll!"  I wasn't at that concert, but I remember that night when he was in town and there was a HUGE storm and indeed a tornado during it. Garth doesn't allow his songs to be shared, so no video attachment.


Hey Willie - Waylon Jennings
"Hey Willie, let's pack up and catch us a slow train/And go back to Phoenix to a far brighter day/Where stars were for shining in the Arizona sky/And music meant more than fortune or fame."



Carefree Highway - Gordon Lightfoot
For the longest time I thought this song was called "Every Highway" because that's what I thought Gordon was saying. Oh well. State Route 74 is a desert passage just north of Phoenix stretching from its eastern origin in Carefree, AZ west to intersect with Highway 60 as it heads to Wickenburg, and later, Las Vegas. Enjoy this song as it's sung to us by a Peterbilt, of course.



Tune Out - The Format
"the 51 is backed up and too slow/Let's tune out by turning on the radio" Ah, another song that references the department of transportation. This time is State Route 51, aka Piestewa Parkway. The Format is a Tempe band who threw in a local reference in this Pop single.



Aenima - Tool
Tool frontman, Maynard James Keenan, is an Arizona resident in the Page Springs area, and in this dramatic number he sings of the the hope for an apocalyptic tectonic event that would ultimately dump Los Angeles into the Pacific Ocean, taking with it all the bull.... that goes with it. I suppose it could be considered Tool's version of "Ocean Front Property in Arizona", only darker and with more angst. His advice to Californians? - "Learn to swim. I'll see you down in Arizona bay." Although the song is a musical tour de force, there's ample profanity as Keenan doesn't hold back expressing his displeasure of Tinsel Town, so... yeah, no video attachment this time.

3x5's - John Mayer
"Today, skies are painted colors of a cowboy cliche..." Now, John doesn't specifically mention Arizona in the lyrics of this song; but when I saw his concert at Cricket Pavilion in West Phoenix years ago, for his encore he did an acoustic version of this song and told us the story of what inspired it: He was traveling east from California into Arizona along Interstate 10 near Quartzite, AZ as the sun was rising over the desert mountains. It "brought him back to life." Stick around, John, and just wait til you see the sunsets.



In the House of Stone and Light - Martin Page
"It's been too long/My spirit's been at war/Havasupai Shaman, let me be reborn!/And I will embrace the sun upon my face/Come the day I wake the child inside." I've always liked this song. It contains some profound lyricism, a nice rhythm and a catchy bridge. Plus I think it manages to capture a little of Arizona's majesty and mystery in its tone, and it refers to its Native cultures. The state is a house of stone and light that can inspire, invigorate, and reinvigorate. See the "Monumental Journey" blog posts for more on that.



I hope you enjoyed. Happy 100th Birthday, Arizona!

"Ditat Deus" [God Enriches]

The Hills Are Alive and They Speak German

Throughout my time in the Central Texas Hill Country, I had yet to venture west from Austin deeper into the hills. Up until this particular weekend I had gone south to San Antonio, north to DFW area, or east to Houston or the Texas BBQ trail (for reference, see the post "Chili Beans and BBQ Dreams"). But now it was time to head west, back to the hills where I hadn't been since I drove through them once when moving to Austin.

A new years resolution is to take more weekend/day trips and see more of Texas. Wasting little time I targeted the town of Fredericksburg, a small town of around 10,000ish located in the hills about an hour and a half or so west of Austin. Known for its German culture, the town taunted my stomach with visions of more schnitzel and a creative potato dish of some sort.

En route to Freddytown is Luckenbach, TX - a storied enclave just off the beaten path, made famous by Waylon Jennings in his song "Luckenbach, TX (Back to the Basics of Love)".

...now... I don't know what my problem is, but for some reason if I like a song about a place, I feel a strong urge to visit that place. There must be something about a certain location that would cause someone to write a song about it. That's why I was so excited a year ago when I got to visit Amarillo and El Paso for work. Yeah, it was for work, but the whole time I kept thinking about George Strait's and Marty Robbins' songs about those cities. Is it a blessing or a curse? I dunno. Probably a blessing, since I get to see some new places, and it was all paid for.

Anyway, there was little chance work would send me to Luckenbach, so this trip was on my dime. But I'm glad I went. Luckenback sits amid farmlands, vineyards, and cattle ranches a couple miles south of highway 290. There's a town loop that careens through the center of town which consists of a post office/country store and souvenier shop with a bar in the back. Behind it is a small stage where live music is performed nightly. Other than that, there's a hat shop, an outhouse, and a concession stand/grill.    ...Basic.

Since I got a late start on my daytrip, I took it all in as quickly as I could. My stomach was growling, but I didn't want to kill my hunger with concession stand vittles, so I continued on the short journey to Fredericksburg.

A true "main street city", Fredericksburg's business and commercial district lines the highway and was hopping with visitors. I was pleased to see they still had their Christmas lights and decorations out. Few cultures do Christmas as well as the Deutsch.

My coworkers recommended a restaurant called Auslander on the main drag. I bellied up to a table and ordered something called Rouladen - a dish consisting of a pickle spear and bacon strips with onions all rolled up in thinly sliced roast beef, cooked and smothered in brown gravy. Throw in a side of fried potato cakes, sauerkraut, rolls, a link of spicy sausage with brown mustard.  (oh.. now my mouth is watering just writing about it - perhaps a return trip is in order)

The National Museum of the Pacific is located in Fredericksburg which honors the World War II effort in the Pacific. Admiral Chester W. Nimitz commanded the war effort in the Pacific and is from Fredericksburg - the reason behind locating the museum in such a small town, my guess. Next time I visit I hope to spend more time visiting the museum.

Night was falling fast and most of the antique stores and other main street shops closed their doors at 5. I strolled over to the town square where they had their Chiristmas tree and the entire square sparkling with lights. It reminded me of "Glendale Glitters" back in Glendale, AZ. It was a chilly night, which was nice to feel the cold air during the holidays.

All in all it was a very enjoyable trip into the hill country. There are many other neat places west of Austin, and I plan to take advantage of my central Texas location and visit the various regions roundabout as the year progresses, and I look forward to sharing them with you, the reader.

Until then, Tscüβ!

Giving Thanks for Turkeys Tasted and Time... Wasted?

Brazilian author Paulo Coelho once Tweeted: "If you are wasting time and enjoying, you are not wasting time."

Smiling at such a philosophy, I thought about the times just hanging out with friends or family, watching a game or a movie, seemingly doing nothing - even "wasting time" according to some - but enjoying ourselves nonetheless, and I nodded my head in agreement with Paulo.

I was happy to spend Thanksgiving with the family in Arizona. I really do have an incredible family and some great friends back there. It was also nice to go back to some of the incredible eateries that I miss: including Pizzeria Bianco, Popo's, The Habit Burgers, Patsy Grimaldi's, and - since there are none in Austin, TX area - Inn&Out Burger!

Central Phoenix appears to be gaining even more momentum in promoting and establishing small businesses, and that is crucial for revitalizing the downtown area and establishing more pride and personality within and for the city and the state, as well as helping the overall local economy to recover.

Earlier in 2011, the dam at Tempe Town Lake burst and the water drained out from the lake. While repairs were being made, Tempe decided to build a pedestrian bridge upon the dam's already prominent footprints and create another passage over the lake for foot and bicycle traffic without cluttering the waterway with an overabundance of bridges. I was excited to stop by and visit the structure, mostly because I enjoy the Pfluger Pedestrian Bridge over Lady Bird Lake (also locally known as "Town Lake") in Austin. It's such a great addition to the area and offers a safe crossing and destination for pedestrians to more fully enjoy the area's attractions. I hope that the Tempe Pedestrian Bridge does the exact same thing for Tempe and the Phoenix area that the Pfluger Bridge does for Austin.

(Pluger Pedestrian Bridge)

(Tempe Pedestrian Bridge)

 

Like most of us, whenever Thanksgiving rolls around I try to reflect on those things I'm most grateful for and count my blessings. The blessing that has been foremost on my mind this year is often considered the one thing most valuable, most precious, most important: TIME. Time to spend with those I love. Time to recover from ailments, tragedies, setbacks and afflictions. Time to enjoy the beauties of nature and the energy of community. Time to grow, plan, learn, develop, and better oneself. Time to share and love. Time to live.

We are all allotted a certain amount of time in life, and how we choose to use that time really makes us who we are. Recently a movie entitled In Time came out about a futuristic world where time is the currency. It stars Justin Timberlake and Amanda Seyfried. At the time of this writing I have not seen the movie, nor does it really call out to me to see it, but I was intrigued by the premise emphasizing the unparalleled value of time. In the movie the poor spend every moment scrambling to get as much done as they can and frantically working to earn more time before their small amount of life"time" expires.

I also happened upon the music video for Nickelback's "Savin' Me", which - truth be told - the only Nickelback song that I can really stomach. In fact, I'll admit that I like the song, but only after I saw the video. I'm not sure how much the story in the video actually correlates with the lyrics of the song, but it underscores again the importance of the time allotment everyone has in this mortal existence - and that perhaps some die before their time, sometimes perhaps due to the acts of of others; conversely, some are also afforded more time due perhaps in part to the acts of their fellow man(?). One particular scene I liked it where he looks into the reflected glass, and he realizes that he is able to see how much time is left for everyone else's lives, but not his own. Anyway, I found the video interesting and entertaining.

Time back home for Thanksgiving was spent visiting with friends and family, seeing the sights and taking in the beautiful weather and scenery of my home state. We got a great deal on some turkeys at Safeway, and while we were there we secretly attached an "Over the Hill"  balloon to Mom while grocery shopping.

 I was happy to try my hand at smoking a Thanksgiving turkey in the smoker Mom had bought for me a few years ago, which was too large to take with me to Texas. So I was happy to fire it up and threw some hickory chips in it which produced a tender and delicious bird of plenty for all to enjoy.

Thanksgiving dinner was an incredible feast, and we remembered how grateful we were to have such nice food to eat and enjoy, and to have each other. I thanked God for those special times spent with loved ones, even those times when we just sat around doing nothing. ...Doing nothing? ...Wasting time? Nay, we enjoyed every minute of it. No time wasted at all.  Thanks, er... obrigado, Paulo.

The Matriarch

My late Grandma Vera Porter Bigler has been on my mind lately. Perhaps it's because it's been two years since she passed away; or perhaps it's because I recently received a correspondence from my Uncle Cleon Bigler and my Aunt Laura Clifford regarding the family trust established by my Grandpa and Grandma Bigler. Whatever the reason may be, I have been thinking of my dear grandma.

Grandma Bigler was the quintessential grandmother; she looked the part, and when she spoke she sounded like a loving grandma with a sweet and sincere voice filled with wisdom, love, concern, and experience all rolled into one. Having lived in the small town of Heber, AZ for nearly her entire life, she was a well known member of the community and was referred to as Aunt Vera, whether she was a relative or not. Heber was small enough that there was a pretty good chance that she WAS your relative aunt though. She had been a widow since Grandpa Laureld Bigler passed away in November of 1996, and she had mentioned more than a couple times in her final years how she missed him and was ready to be with him in heaven.

The last couple years of her life were spent living with Uncle Cleon and his wife Penny in Washington state. She missed her Heber home, but they were able to watch over her as she bravely faced the physical challenges of knee surgery and breast cancer and other ailments. I got to see her at the Bigler reunion in Snowflake, AZ in 2009, and it was nice to sit and talk with her, hold her hand, and share some stories and laughs. She was very weak and that sweet voice was so quiet. I had to concentrate really hard to understand what she was saying. We said our goodbyes that day. She went back up to Washington after the reunion for a short time. Her health began to fade and she really wanted to return to Heber, so Cleon and Penny brought her back to Heber to live out her days. These days were shorter than most had thought, for once she was made the journey back to her beloved mountain home, her time had come to return to her heavenly home. She was ready.

A call came and we were told that she would soon pass away. Loved ones were gathering in Heber to say their goodbyes. My brother Spencer and I talked about how we had basically already said our goodbyes to Grandma at the reunion, but for some reason we thought it was important to go anyway, and we decided to make the trip up north from Phoenix to Heber. Jenny also made the trip with her kids.

When Spencer and I arrived, all of Grandma's children were there save for Aunt Laura, who was hurrying to arrive from Colorado. Grandma, herself, was resting deeply in the front room. Her health had completely left her and at that time was moments away from passing on. I sat next to her and held her hand and once again said a tearful goodbye, gave her my love, and thanked her for all she had done for me, my Dad, and my brothers and sisters. She did not wake but kept resting. In the other room we all sat and reminisced, shared stories, and made arrangements as to what needed to happen after she passed. A funeral program was drafted and assignments made.

We then felt the time was very near and we wanted to give Grandma a final Priesthood blessing before she died. We wanted to wait for Laura to arrive, but time was very short. Uncle Keith was given the honor and proceeded to pronounce a final Priesthood blessing on his mother, our grandmother. What transpired during that blessing will forever be kept in my heart as one of the greatest spiritual experiences of my life. He relayed to her the love of the Savior toward her, His delight in her tireless lifelong service, the incredible heritage she established for her posterity, among other great blessings. He then told her that it was OK to move on, that is was OK for her to go and blessed her to be at peace and be able to move on; and IMMEDIATELY following this pronouncement, Vera Porter Bigler let out her final breath, bidding farewell to this mortal life and beginning her eternal life hereafter. It is difficult to describe the incredible feeling in the room at that time. I can only witness that there are moments when the veil between this mortal realm and the spirit world is so very thin. There were many others with us in that room that day - familiar relative spirits, angels, joining us in our farewell... or more accurately... gathering for a joyful homecoming to welcome home the matriarch on the other side.

Following the blessing and this very powerful event we all embraced and shared the moment with tears of awe and gratitude. Spencer, Jenny and I shared a special moment and embraced as well. We then made the call to Kenny in Indiana to let him know, and recounted the experience with him. Aunt Laura arrived about an hour after Grandma passed away, but she was able to spend some moments next to her and we were able to grieve alongside her.

The funeral was that Saturday. The company Jenny worked for owns a wonderful cabin in the nearby community of Overgaard where we stayed that weekend. With so much extended family in town for the funeral, it was nice to have an additional place to stay.

At the church, the entire family gathered in a room outside of the chapel, and what a sight that was! Standing room only practically. Grandma's posterity had filled the room to overflowing, and there was many a happy reunion despite the occasion. Uncle Keith was able to say a few words and convey in all soberness and love the events that transpired earlier in the week. That same Spirit from that day returned to the room in which we were now all gathered, and we knew we felt blessed to be counted among her descendants.

The program was simple and beautiful. They asked Jenny to say a few words and she did a fantastic job. Our cousin Alissa also gave an emotional talk. Grandma was an accomplished pianist and accompanist. A year or two prior it was arranged for her to go to a recording studio and capture her craft as she played some of her favorite songs and hymns. The resulting CD was given as a gift to her posterity that same Christmas. During Alissa's words, she referenced the CD and played an excerpt: "God Be With Til We Meet Again". Grandma's spirit filled the chapel as her music spoke for her, bidding us all farewell for now. The chords resonated within the hearts of all who knew and loved her, and the tears came. What a wonderful spirit there was there in that moment. If someone were to have the ability to say goodbye and bear their testimony at their OWN funeral, then that was about as close as one could get.

Grandma always enjoyed having Spencer and I sing - whether we enjoyed it or not - and the invitation was extended once again, to which we were honored to accept, and Martha accompanied us as we sang the hymn "Nearer, My God, to Thee". I enjoy singing with my brother, who has an incredible voice. We did our best to make Grandma proud, but emotions did get the best of us at the end of the last verse after we sang the words, "Angels to beckon me nearer, my God, to Thee" and our thoughts remembered the angels that arrived to beckon our Grandma home to God earlier that week.

We laid her to rest at her husband's side in the Heber cemetery. The graveside dedication service was beautiful, and we visited with loved ones for awhile before leaving the site; but not before saying hello to our dad and sister, and our niece and cousin buried nearby in the same mountainside cemetery.

Later on we cleaned up the cabin and stopped by Casa Ramos, a favorite Mexican restaurant, to eat before leaving for Phoenix after a special and memorable day and week.  And we happened to see Aunt Laura and her family there and said are goodbyes as we all prepared to return to our distant homes. I always found it fascinating that, even with the very large number of Grandma's descendants, the bond among them all is very strong throughout.

I wrote the poem below on Easter Sunday of last year as my mind was on the Easter theme of resurrection and on memories of the dearly departed. I was reflecting on Grandma Bigler's last hours and the miracles we witnessed that week, from her passing in her front room guided by Priesthood power, with dearly departed angel ancestors all around us. What an incredible experience that was! It was truly a special week that I will remember always. The more we spoke to family and friends at that time, the more people witnessed of strange and wonderful experiences that week... a gathering of family on both sides of the veil to bid her farewell on our side and to welcome her home on the other. I may share some of those experiences and stories at a later date. It was a very special week.

"Vera"

by Preston Bigler

(Easter Sunday 4/4/2010, Mesa, AZ)

an aged vessel, years caressed

a final breath from a tired chest

and 'midst the strength of Priesthood blessed

ancestors beckoned you to rest

and welcomed home the matriarch

sons and daughters gathered in

ten from you,'hundred eight from them

bade you farewell with friends and kin

and share that love you shared with them

the legacy of the matriarch

laid to rest 'neath towering pine

upon the peaceful mountainside

loving sons resting nearby

in welcomed spot at husband's side

lays the loving matriarch

and angel choirs sing refrains

of blessings giv'n to faithful saints

of glories to the Savior's name

their voices sound the hymns of praise

accompanied by the matriarch

and every time I hear the hymn,

"God Be With You til We Meet Again"

I'll think of you and smile within

and hear your witness born therein

the witness of the matriarch

and long for that time we meet again

dear friend, mother, matriarch